Bad Mommy!

So last night Dave decided to take the kids to the Bountiful bubble, to swim. I don't love to go to public swimming places. If you know me you know I'm a hypochondriac. So, I worry about Crypto. I let the older kids go in the water but not the baby.
I didn't wear my swimsuit because I wasn't planning on getting in the water. I'm sure the people appreciated that since I'm as white as a ghost, and have enough cottage cheese to start my own dairy farm.
Dave was great taking each kid on the big slide and swimming around playing with them. He is a GREAT dad.
We'd been there over an hour. Dave wanted to go with Cody on the slide. So I was in charge of watching Blakely, Porter and Ty. They were doing fine when I lost sight of Porter. I walked around the jungle gym and saw a kid struggling to keep his head above water. I could tell he was in trouble. So I started yelling at the lifeguard and she acted oblivious to what was happening. (You guessed it, some teenage girl).
A older guy grabbed the little boy. When he pulled him up. It was Porter! He wasn't even crying. He was fine. He looked really scared.
I was waving my arms around, yelling "He's mine!"
The guy that saved him, looked at me like I should have my kids taken away.
As soon as Porter saw me he started to cry. That's when Dave showed up. I told him the story. He asked me why I didn't jump in and save him.
My sorry excuse. I wasn't sure it was Porter.
Dave's reply "So you'd let somebody's kid drown?"
Me "No, but I'm in all of my clothes."
Dave "Ya, your right you wouldn't want to get all wet saving a life." I'm sure you know he said this sarcastically.
I am the worst mom. I didn't know for sure it was Porter but either way. I should have jumped in and saved him. It happened so fast. This all took place within a couple of minutes.
My precious little boy, almost drowned. Everyone knows how much they love their kids. When something like this happens, you realize they are your life and what a void there would be in your life without them in it.
Porter is so funny and has the coolest personality. I couldn't imagine him not being around.
I feel terrible. What if he would have drowned and I watched it happen. Would I have acted before he was seriously hurt? I like to think that I would. I just don't know. Because I did nothing in those few minutes.
I wish I would have had my swimsuit on and was with my kids swimming. I need to live life and not worry so much about the stupid little things. I need to play more with my kids. I guess that is the good thing that came from this scary experience. It just reaffirmed my need to be in the moment with my kids. Well enough talking about it. I'm going to do it RIGHT NOW!